Comment or Question?
by ThinkInsideTheBox
Summary: Are you really so indecisive that you need a summary of the story? Just read it, you may think it's funny.
1. Question

**Author's Note:**

**Hey! This is my first attempt at published writing of any kind, I aspire to be a comedy writer when I grow up. Hope you laugh and then tell me what you think!**

Leslie strode perkily into Ron's office early on a Monday morning.

"Hey." Leslie.

"Comment or question?" Ron asked tiredly.

"Excuse me?"

" I would like to know the re of your disturbance beforehand in order to gauge general reply length." He replied matter-of-factly.

"Who does that?"

"The answer has brown hair, a vintage rifle collection, and six partial DUI's in the state of Michigan."

Leslie thought in earnest for a few moments, "Mike in events planning?"

Ron sighed and rubbed his temples as Leslie continued prattling.

"Anyway," she said " I have a question."

"Ask away"

"How do you feel about community theatre?"

Ron stacked some papers and answered, "The same way I will feel when my cable provider realizes that they have been accidentally giving me free HBO for the last three years. Why?"

Leslie opened her mouth to reply when Tom strolled in, right up to Ron's desk.

"What goes on, Ron-ton?"

"Nothing much, Tomcat."

"That was weak and a little bi-curious, Ron." Tom informed.

"So are you Tom, so are you." Tom rolled his eyes

Leslie huffed impatiently and both men turned to her. Ron spoke first.

"Yes Leslie?"

"I was just going to ask if you would be willing to attend a production at the Pawnee Community Center with me."

Ron looked slightly amused and leaned heavily on his desk with both elbows. In a quiet voice, he uttered the following; " Leslie, I would rather personally set fire to the Arby's I go to when I can't sleep at night, and I am a chronic insomniac who loves sub-par chain food and awkward waitress-customer chats."

Tom's eyebrows rose considerably while Leslie's just knit together in instant confusion.

"Ron, Pawnee doesn't have an Arby's, we never have."

"I know."

A puzzled silence once again engulfed Ron Swanson's small office until Tom broke the silence. "Which community center show were you planning on seeing?"

Leslie perked up, happy to be back on subject. "I have two tickets to The Midnight Journal."

Tom's eyes widened above a giddy smile. "I'm directing The Midnight Journal! That's what I came to tell you two!"

Ron looked as though struggling to stifle a laugh "You are a director?"

**So that's it! What did you think? I will continue to add chapters as they arrive. Please review!**


	2. Coffee

**Hey readers! I hope you enjoy this next chapter! A special thanks to my reviewers. Your kind words brightened my day like a toothpaste commercial. Anyway, this story picks up right where it left off. Sorry for the wait!**

Tom ignored Ron's apparent amusement.

"Yes Ron, I am an aspiring director. Being a director is ! Directors get all of the actresses."

Leslie jumped in. "What about Kathryn Bigelow?"

"My comment remains, Leslie."

Leslie rolled her eyes and left.

Ron looked up at Tom.

"Tom, the only director I know was an old high school buddy of mine who failed every class and got arrested for ing on a national monument. Now he is a post-op transgender who made some documentary about candy factories."

"Ouch."

"That's probably what he said after falling into that taffy-pulling machine."

_Interview- Leslie_

I think it's great that Tom is directing a Pawnee production! Pawnee is infamous for being a town of limited creativity. In fact, the big Sweetums factory in Pawnee was once an art museum that was torched by some blind arsonists who felt that art museums were insensitive to their condition. All of them died in the fire.

Leslie stares into the camera, eyes wide.

_Ron's Office_

"Tom, I would strongly advise you to grow some"

Tom gaped at Ron.

"You don't think that directing is masculine?"

Ron smiled, and pointed out the window behind his desk to a row of rose bushes.

"Why don't you ask those pretty flowers out there."

Tom straightened out his suit jacket and placed both hands on Ron Swanson's desk.

"I'll show you, Ill show you just how manly community theatre can be."

"Tom, I can say for a fact that my ex wife, Tammy's testosterone levels are startling higher than yours."

With that, Tom stormed out of the room as Ron crossed his arms over his chest with satisfaction.

_The Next Day.._

Leslie entered the parks office with a cardboard holder full of coffees.

"Good morning everyone!"

Leslie's cheer was met with tired groans from her colleagues.

She frowned and then looked down at her receipt from the coffee shop and began reading orders aloud.

"Who ordered cranberry juice?" Collective giggling ensues.

Jerry finally rose from his desk and grabbed the cup from Leslie's hand.

He began to justify his selection. "It's a dietary restriction,"

Donna composed herself and dismissed Jerry's defense. "Save it, cupcake."

Leslie held up another cardboard cup, "Black coffee for.."

Tom stood up and took the cup from Leslie proudly and Ron stifled his laughter.

Tom spoke "What's so funny, Ron?"

Ron replied, "Nothing, its just that youre desperate attempt to prove your masculinity to me is amusing. Just like how France chose a phallic monument as their defining symbol to try to convince the world that some of them have some hot cross buns."

"Oh yeah?" Ron took a tentative sip of his coffee and immediately spit it out

"What the frak, Leslie? I didn't order liquid bathroom caulking!"

Ron just shook his head and laughed.

**REVIEW! It makes me happy!**


	3. The Event

**Hello! I got the stuff if you got the stuff.**

The parks department, sans Tom, sits together in the back of a small, dark, theatre. They make conversation as they wait for the show to begin.

Ann turns to her right and addresses Leslie "How did you get Ron to come anywhere near here?"

_Flashback_

Leslie walks anxiously into Ron's office. He is doing paperwork.

"Hey, Ron"

"Leslie"

"If you come to Tom's play tonight, I will let you keep one of your rifles loaded." Leslie blurts out, pointing to a group of hunting rifles in the corner.

Ron's eyes light up.

_End of Flashback_

"Huh, well at least this didn't go down like last year's haunted house." 

Leslie goes pale for a second "So much fake blood. Nobody even noticed that that one kid was bleeding for real."

The curtains begin to open and Leslie shushes everyone loudly. The play begins.

_Cut to the entrance of the Pawnee Community Center_

The parks department exits the doors slowly, eyes wide. Jerry is sobbing.

Mark is the first to break the shocked silence, "I am not even going to use an adjective to try to describe what we just saw because I don't want to insult the things that actually fit whatever adjective I choose. "

Jerry just nods and continues wiping his tears.

Donna "Nuh-uh, Mm-hm, I am not commenting"

Everyone slowly leaves, shaking their heads. Leslie, Anne, Ron, and April are left on the steps.

April is sipping a soda.

"I kind of liked it." She shrugs and walks away, dropping her empty soda cup on the ground.

Leslie breaks out of her trance to rush to throw the cup away, only to return to Anne and Ron and resume her shocked state.

"I am going to decline your offer to keep one of my rifles loaded in the office to avoid the risk of leveling innocent bystanders whenever that play may haunt my subconscious."

Both women nod understandingly as Ron sidles away, going nowhere in particular.

Leslie finally speaks, posing a question in the silence, "What are we going to tell Tom?"

Anne shakes her head, eyes still saucer-like.


End file.
